were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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