nut hugger
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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