Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I don't deserve a penis
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize