I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
