Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Randomize
