His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize