Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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