so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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