The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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