i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
