I wish my penis had an off switch
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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