I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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