I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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