It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
