...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my being single is dangerous.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
