so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
