I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
