I puked a lego.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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