when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
