how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
