Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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