I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
