Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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