how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
