I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
