She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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