Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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