It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
