my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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