What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize