break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
