I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
