I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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