Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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