Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
