His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
