yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
