i already hear my dad disowning me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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