I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
