I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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