O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
