I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
