I hate your face
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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