The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
