hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
