let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
ok first of all what the fuck
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
