remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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