I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
