So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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