fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
