Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
