WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
