You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
