lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
