i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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