I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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