Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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