How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
