can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
