Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
