umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
