she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize