grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
