and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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