she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
