Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize