Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
