is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
